City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare

Confession: I liked The Mortal Instruments trilogy. I know it’s not literary genius, and I was okay with that. I know it’s a laughing stock in the YA community, and that’s okay with me. I know the fandom wank about Cassandra Clare and blah blah blah, but I will admit to you: she has a talent. She wrote a riveting story that sucked me in, despite its overuse of metaphors and similes. Some of the characters entertained me and, as if in a morbid sense of fascination, I wanted to see where the series went and how it could possibly end. Over all, I was pleased with the ending of City of Glass. I would have preferred that Jace stayed dead, but we all knew better than that. The fact Clary asked for him out of everything in the world annoyed me, as I prefer my protags to have a bit more substance, but, I was fine with the ending. I was content to let Clary and Jace go off and be disgustingly in love and let Simon roam the world as a Daywalking vampire and Magnus and Alec could go be in lurve~ and just let the world be.

I was fine. I liked it. It made me happy.

Clare then began her new series, and against my better judgment, I preordered it. You’ll learn this is a terrible habit of mine, and one whose mistakes I never learn from. To my immense surprise, it was GOOD. So good that I had renewed hopes for Clare’s announcement she would add three new books to the TMI trilogy. I thought, “Her writing has improved so much! She chucked some of those similes and metaphors! Maybe City of Fallen Angels will be good!”

Again, I preordered. How could Clare let me down after the beautiful improvement of her Infernal Devices series?

One day, I will learn my lesson.

Maybe had Angie not read the book before me, I wouldn’t be so reluctant to read. I remember sitting around, waiting for the book to arrive from Amazon. I remember Angie talking to me on MSN while she read the book, and I remember how each time she spoke of the book, my hope faded more and more, until it’d nearly completely diminished.

Once the book was in my hands, I was all hesitance. I tried the first chapter – and nothing. The book opens with Simon, which should have been great! I’m a very vocal Simon fangirl. I love him, and I prefer him to Jace. But I just couldn’t get into it, because I knew what waited ahead: drivel.

Nearly eight months later, I decided to reopen the book and suffer through – mostly because Angie kept begging me so she could have someone with whom to bitch, but also because I figured I may as well. There you have my feelings summed up: I may as well.

What. Did. I. Just. Read?

No.

Really.

What was the plot? Because as far as I’m concerned, this book felt like a massive fanfiction written by someone who missed the TMI series. Everything was shipping, and everything hurt!

Loosely, the plot can be summed up as: Shadowhunters whom were previously supporters of Valentine are falling dead and no one knows who’s doing it. But that’s okay! Because I promise you, this plot has next to nothing to do with the book. Really! Don’t worry about it! Simon is coming to grips with being a vampire and trying to find the balance of humanity and monster, but he’s kicked out of his house and trying to fight his instincts, he’s dating two girls, and he is propositioned by a vampire to take over the NYC vampire clan. As for Clary and Jace? Oh, don’t worry – Jace just keeps having dreams in which he kills Clary so, rather than do anything rational or tell her about it, he just freezes her out, refuses to break up with her, and occasionally mouthrapes her before fleeing off into the night to be BFF with Simon.

And honestly? That’s the best part of this book for me. I rather LIKED Jace when he hung out with Simon, and I could totally get behind a Jace/Simon bromance, except I know better than to expect so much. But really. That was the best. They were funny, awfully delightful, and it was a great reprieve from the disgustingly corny drama of Jace and Clary.

Seriously.

I’m probably biased, in my dislike for Clary/Jace. I’m probably TERRIBLY biased in my near disdain for Clary. Another confession: I skimmed so much. Every time I was in Clary or Jace’s head, they just ANGSTED the entire time about the other. “Oh noes why doesn’t Jace look at me, doesn’t he love me, he won’t kiss me, he’s avoiding me, waaah my life is over my life is ending!” “Oh noes, I dream I’m killing Clary, clearly I am my father, by the Angel, I can speak of this to no one lest they find out I’m a monster, what should I do, oh NOES!”

I just… all that clichéd drivel; and it was SO repetitive. Every few pages, it would pick up again, as if MAYBE I’d forgotten JUST HOW DETRIMENTAL THIS WAS.

There was also this other underlying plot involving the attempted recreation of Sebastian and a lot of dead babies infected with demon blood. It was meant to be a bit more horrific, I think, than I found it.

I just… I can’t wrap my head around what I read. What I FORCED myself to read. At times, I felt as if I was literally pushing myself along, encouraging myself to complete this, just to say I could.

And frankly, this book should never have existed.

The ending of the TMI trilogy was great! The books were a fanciful guilty pleasure, a great, fun read, and when they ended, I felt at peace. I was excited for her Infernal Devices series. And then… this: an obvious cashcow piggybacking on her own success of a trilogy swarming with obsessive, rabid fangirls in love with the obviously mental-issue-ridden Jace, crazy about the selfish Clary. And if I’m to be perfectly honest, I feel that’s’ all this book is. A continuation of the Clary/Jace relationship, which probably explains why I didn’t care for it. There was no overall plot; everything was just SHIPPING romance and terribly repetitive dramas.

Even the “villains” in this book didn’t come across as realistic.

Here we have LILITH the UBERDEMON of Demons. The MOTHER of Downworlders. And she felt like a villain from Scooby-Doo! Her speech came across as terribly unrealistic, and she did like all great Scooby-Doo villains do, by telling us exactly what her plan was, assuming it infallible, and most offensively, assuming readers not clever enough to read into subtle clues and figure out what was about to happen. It was one of the worst dialogue-driven info dumps I’d read in ages. I didn’t feel ANXIOUS for anyone, I didn’t expect anything BAD to happen. And once Lilith explained just what she was doing, I couldn’t even be arsed to CARE.

Amongst all this, I’d hoped perhaps Magnus, fabulous Magnus, could entertain me a little, but no such luck. After returning from exploring the world with Alec and meeting up with his old boo, Camille, Alec turned into a jealous fifteen year old. “Waaah, waaaah, my immortal warlock boyfriend is immortal and has loved before me. Waaah waaaah waaaah, who was Will, how dare you know others in your past? Waaah waaaah waaaaah every time you mention someone from your past I will assume they meant something to you. Waaaaaaaaaaaah I clearly mean nothing to you but a fleeting romance until you tire of me and my pretty face.”

OH MY GOD HE NEVER STOPPED THAT PETULANT BRAT ALL HE DID WAS BITCH AND MOAN AND POUT. HE ACTUALLY KICKED A CHAIR. HE. KICKED. A. CHAIR. WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHY?! Ugh.

I TOLD YOU. All this book became was SHIPPING DRAMA out the WAZOOO.

I’d actually FORGOTTEN about the dying Shadowhunters.

Even after reading, I’m left with one last question. (That’s a lie: there’s a LOT of questions, most about the idiocy of the book and the lack of plot.) WHERE THE HELL DOES THE TITLE COME FROM?! IT STILL MAKES NO SENSE TO ME.

And you know what’s even worse? Knowing that, because I’m 4 of 6, I will finish reading the last freaking books of this damn series, just because I can’t bear to own an incomplete series. City of Lost Souls and City of Heavenly Fire will find their way on my shelves and I will only pray they were have some actual plot, as opposed to more shipping drama to ~distract me from the complete lack of story.

Take Michelle’s advice. Don’t buy them brand new. Don’t preorder them. When City of Lost Souls comes out, wait a week or two for the people who LOATHED the book to show up on Amazon begging people to “please, PLEASE take this drivel off their hands for a measly $2 dollars PLEASE I beg of you.” I assure you, you’ll be better off that way. Because, if you’re like me and you’re compelled to finish off this forsaken new trilogy, you may as well save as much money as possible.

★